FORGET X-Factor, Gordon Strachan's preferred weekend viewing of choice. On Saturday, the Middlesbrough manager was forced to sit through a 90-minute production that was decidedly X-rated. And on the evidence of the jeers that emanated from Vicarage Road's away end at the final whistle, there is little chance of him surviving a public vote as things stand.
I watch it and cringe, said the Scotsman recently. I ask, Are they still on' It is horrific.
He was talking about the latest set of wannabe singers queuing up to humiliate themselves on ITV's flagship show, but he could easily have been describing the opening stages of Saturday's defeat.
Less reality TV, more surreality viewing as Boro shipped three goals in the space of 20 madcap minutes.
When you're playing away from home, you have to set your stall out and establish a bit of a base in the opening 20 minutes, said Gary O'Neil.
We didn't really do that.
If their defending had matched their captain's ability to utter understatements, perhaps the Teessiders would have been okay.
As it was, they defended as abysmally as it is possible to imagine. Sloppy, disorganised, nervous and positionally poor. And that was just the opening 17 seconds.
By that stage Watford were already a goal to the good, with David Wheater having committed the cardinal error of failing to look behind him as he rolled the ball towards goalkeeper Jason Steele. Former Boro striker Danny Graham played piggy in the middle, before calmly rounding Steele to slot home.
Goal two, ten minutes later, was almost as sloppy. Barry Robson, reasonably diminutive, marked Martin Taylor, the tallest player on the pitch, at a corner, and when his header fell to the edge of the area, nobody closed down Jordon Mutch as he smashed home a searing low drive.
Ten minutes later it was 3-0 with the less-than-disciplined defending continuing.
Matthew Bates, suffering from Strachan's unfathomable fear of orthodox fullbacks, failed to close down Don Cowie, and when the winger cut the ball back from the byline, neither Wheater nor the equally ineffectual Stephen McManus closed down Graham as he rolled home his second. Not even a quarter of the contest gone, and the match was already effectively finished.
The first goal was a stunner, but it's how you deal with that mistake, said Strachan.
We didn't deal with it at all.
We let the early goal affect us and, as a group, you can't let something like that throw you off your game.
The remaining 70 minutes represented something of an improvement, but that's a bit like saying it's better to lose a £10 note than a £20 one. Neither is particularly positive.
Indeed, in many ways, the game as a whole was every bit as damning as the calamitous opening period. Three goals to the good, Watford effectively stopped playing from the halfhour mark, yet Boro were largely incapable of posing a threat.
O'Neil went close shortly after the interval, and the visitors at least scored their first Championship away goal since April with 11 minutes left. Even that is not strictly true, though, as they needed Watford to score it for them, with Adrian Mariappa bundling the ball into his own net under pressure from substitute Kris Boyd.
An own goal was just about the only goal Boro were going to score, with their one-dimensional midfield offering little in the way of creativity or vision and their crossing and passing from wide positions leaving an awful lot to be desired.
Maybe our attitude in away games is going to have to change, said O'Neil. They knocked a lot of balls into the channels for their forwards to run on to and it caused us problems. It's not particularly pretty, but maybe we're going to have to do a bit more of that.
So where does it all leave Middlesbrough now Seventeenth in the table is the obvious answer, already 12 points behind runaway leaders QPR after just eight games. Last season, which was widely interpreted as a disaster, Boro finished less than 12 points behind Blackpool.
Strachan's position is being called into question, but after sacking Gareth Southgate last October, there would appear little sense in Steve Gibson initiating another change of manager 12 months on.
Improvements are clearly required, however, and after placing a massive emphasis on the purchase of real men, it is high time Strachan started demanding some of the steel and resolve he pledged to pack his team with.
Saturday's display was every bit as flaccid as anything produced by Southgate's so-called team of novices.
There was no battling, no bite and nobody brave enough to take responsibility on the ball.
Since arriving at the Riverside, Strachan has won just three of his 20 Championship away games.
Having signed a team of winners, isn't it about time he started to make them win
Matchfacts Goals: 1-0: Graham (1min, rounded goalkeeper after Wheater's dreadful backpass) 2-0: Mutch (11mins, hammered home 20-yard half-volley after Robson only half-cleared corner) 3-0: Graham (20mins, tapped home from six yards) 3-1: Mariappa (own goal, 79mins, headed into own net under pressure from Boyd) Bookings: Hodson (33mins, foul) Referee: Fred Graham (Billericay) - Dreadful throughout, with his decisions, which might well have been guess work, becoming increasingly inexplicable 3 Attendance: 12,185 Entertainment: ***
WATFORD (4-4-2): Loach 6; Hodson 7, Mariappa 6, M Taylor 7, Doyley 6; Buckley 6 (McGinn 65, 5), Eustace 7, Mutch 6, Cowie 7; GRAHAM 8 (Walker 86), Sordell 7 (Deeney 77). Subs (not used): Gilmartin (gk), Bryan, Whichelow, Oshodi.
MIDDLESBROUGH (4-5-1): 4 Steele: Couldn't be faulted for the goals, but is looking increasingly uncertain as the mistakes in front of him pile up 4 Bates: Beaten by Cowie for the third goal and is starting to suffer from Strachan's refusal to play him in his best position 4 Wheater: Never recovered from a catastrophic first minute that set the tone 4 McManus: Never got to grips with the Watford attack, caught out repeatedly because of a lack of pace 4 Arca: Can no longer be considered a natural fullback and unbalances the side when asked to play there 5 McDonald: Started on the right of midfield, but looked much more comfortable when he was pushed up front 6 O'Neil: The only Boro midfielder to display even a modicum of creativity, but couldn't find a killer pass 4 Tavares: Neat and tidy with the ball, but all at sea when asked to close players down and barely made a tackle 5 Robson: His weak header led to the second goal and he failed to spark anything in the attacking third 4 Halliday: Sent a number of attempted crosses over the bar. Hauled off at half-time 4 Lita: Led the line ineffectually and didn't hold the ball up as well as he might have done
Subs: Boyd (for Halliday, 46mins): His muscular presence made a bit of a difference and he helped force a consolation goal 6 McMAHON (for Bates, 55mins): Finally added some width on the overlap and delivered Boro's best two crosses of the game 5 Kink (for Lita, 66): Added a bit of energy, but the game was gone by the time he made it on to the field 6 (not used): Coyne (gk), Hines, Bailey, L Williams.
MAN OF THE MATCH DANNY Graham - Strong, powerful and intelligent, the striker looks a totally different player to the callow youth that left Boro three-and-a-half years ago.
Source: Northern Echo
Source: Northern Echo